5 Excellent Ways To Be An Asshole In Public Using Your Cell Phone
Put your phone on speaker and hold it 4 inches from your ear.
You are not interesting and no one cares about your painfully stupid conversation. Don’t worry about eavesdroppers, because the speaker in your mobile phone is such a piece of shit that no one can understand a damn thing. Neither can you, because no longer have any sound isolation since it’s 4 inches from your head. The microphone is picking up so much ambient noise that the fool you’re talking to thinks you’re drowning in a river. This is why you’re now shouting into your phone. You can’t hear them, they can’t hear you, and you are annoying the fuck out of everyone around you. Good job, asshole.
Talking on your phone while trying to checkout at the register. (Best at a coffee shop.)
Your call is not important. If it was, you would step outside and take it rather than trying to talk to the cashier at the same time. Your fumbling around is holding up the line and wasting the time of everyone behind you. Not only are you a fucking idiot, but you’re about to get lynched by a mob of pissed off caffeine addicts. Get off the fucking phone, or get the fuck out of the line.
Let your ringer go off after you were clearly instructed to turn it off.
You don’t look cool, and you are not a rebel. You’re just that idiot who was too fucking stupid to follow basic instructions. Or perhaps you’re just too fucking stupid to operate your own cell phone. Either way, no one cares because you’re the fucking retard who just interrupted everyone and ruined the show. This is why everyone in the room is staring at you with that look.
Listen to music using your phone’s speaker, or using an MP3 ringtone.
You have terrible taste in music. Even worse, you purposely let it ring for a while so everyone could take notice. Even if it happened to be a good song, it’s been ruined by that squawking piece of shit. No one wants to hear that garbage, and you’re just advertising what a fucking moron you are. Turn that shit off before someone has to knock the sense into you.
Driving your car while on the phone.
You’re not as amazing a driver as you think you are. While you’re on the phone, you’re worse than a 4 foot tall asian grandma with 3 inch thick glasses. You are so distracted that you don’t even realize how terrible you are driving. You damn near killed 3 pedestrians, and you didn’t even know it. No, it’s not just other drivers. This applies to EVERYONE, especially you.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:29 am
I agree with your observations, Penix, but I feel that these self-absorb ego-maniacs should be pulled over and have their driving privileges taken away. Talking on the phone (unless absolute emergency) whislt driving a car just puts too many innocent lives on the line when these assholes lose focus on the task at hand.
Keep up the sociological commentary, Penix, it’s an amusing read to say the least.
May 11th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Dkny Wallets
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.